Why Nice Guys Should Finish First

Imagine walking into a room and there are balloons, a cake, a card and a bottle of wine waiting for you all by candlelight. No, it’s not your birthday or even a holiday, instead it’s A FIRST DATE! Sounds great right? Well that depends on how old or mature you are.  In most cases with women under 30 what has just happened is you’ve just mentally labeled this guy as MR. NICE GUY and he won’t last long or will last just long enough for you to use him up for his potential gift offerings or incessant errands that he’ll run for you. Unfortunately most women don’t appreciate the nice guys.

As women, there are many reasons we tend to shy away from those guys that are deemed too nice.  What is defined as too nice you ask? He listens intently and hangs on your every word and buys you things JUST BECAUSE.  He’ll call when he says he’s going to call or running late and will almost ALWAYS be on time for dates.  He will plan most of the dates, do most of the paying if not ALL of it and open your car door every time you get in or out of it.  He’ll drive your grandmother to the grocery store and might even pick up tampons for you while their at the store.  Essentially your wish is his command.  What’s wrong with this guy you ask?  Well I’ll tell you, NOTHING…IT’S YOU AND YOU’RE NOT USED TO BEING TREATED THIS WAY and you don’t think you deserve it.  These men come in all ages, races and geographical locations but you won’t give them a chance and we need to explore why because a Mr. Nice Guy has been after you for YEARS and you’ve been ignoring him.

A women’s first love is most likely her father and depending on how she was raised by him or how she saw him treat the women in his life depends on what she will tolerate from a romantic relationship.  If he wasn’t in her life then she won’t really have a reference point and will take her dating cues from her mother.  While growing up, my father doted over me and acted like I was the love of his life and he would buy me just about anything I wanted to appease me but that was about it.  As much as I adored him, he was often unreliable and I had to guess when he would come home or if he would keep his promises.  He wasn’t chivalrous towards my mother at all, I didn’t see him treat my mother particularly wonderful either but she loved him.  He went to work, paid the bills and did whatever he wanted, while my mom did all of the cooking, planning, surprising etc.  When I began to date, I would always get hooked on the guy with the personality like my father.  He would be an attractive, smooth talking, ladies man who I had to run behind to figure out where he was and what he was doing because he was seemingly “mysterious” and I convinced myself that I loved the “challenge”.  When I met a nice guy who would basically cater to me, I would think that he was “soft” and especially because I have such a domineering personality and catering was foreign to me.

It is my experience that young women (those under 30 or close-minded older women) are generally accustomed to the fast paced experience of a relationship where they have to run behind the guy playing detective and dealing with a lot of drama.  This type of dating seems to be exciting to them.  The more the drama, the more attractive the guy seems to be.  I’ve seen women slashing tires, staking out houses, breaking into email, voicemail and cellphones just to get a handle on what their guy was up to.  They become extremely pressed over a guy who never calls them when he’s late, he misses dates, he gives lame alibis for his whereabouts and he sometimes convinces them to pay his bills or give him money.  These women will believe anything he says and make up excuses for him in her mind because he’s probably very attractive, dresses in designer labels and is good in bed.  He gives her a euphoria of sorts.  Perhaps these women are LITERALLY subscribing to the notion that “anything worth having is worth working for” no matter the cost or outcome.  They’ve probably met nice guys that didn’t offer this type of drama but he appeared “corny” to them.

After a while it gets exhausting to date at such a fast pace and you just want to slow it down.  By the time women reach 30 or their SANITY, they’ve had enough of that drama and are burnt out and would much rather have “Mr. Nice Guy” but are very apprehensive about dating him because they don’t know how. I’ll tell you how…TRY IT!  Be receptive to him and when he wants to pull out your chair and hold your hand, LET HIM! When he wants to take a romantic walk on the beach or sit on the phone for hours, DO IT!  When he calls you at work just to say hello and to give you his itinerary for the week, LISTEN! If he buys you balloons, a card and cake on the first date, TAKE IT! YOU DESERVE ALL OF THIS and NOT what you’ve experienced previously when you were crazy enough to pretend that it was acceptable.

Ladies, we need to start raising sons to be GOOD MEN and daughters to SEEK good men.  We should stop settling for “Pretty Ricky” who is a bum but makes us feel good with his smooth talking rhetoric or his good bedroom skills and look for “Responsible Raymond” who will make us feel good because he truly cares about us and puts us first.  Don’t get me wrong, Responsible Raymond can be good in bed and attractive too but he also has a nurturing spirit and that is what you want in a man, not some selfish, self-centered drama king! This is why nice guys should always finish first!

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  1. ilona dolo
    June 21, 2011

    This screams at me. Growing up, my father was barely present so the only example I had a man were the poor excuses from my mother’s relationships which failed continuously. By high school, I found myself chasing after a guy for several years who filled my head with beautiful lies. i was dumb young, i know. He claimed he loved me but after reality set in, I soon came to realize that he was actually in love with his new girl friend and the son they had together. When I finally decided to give up on the goose chase, God sent me a gift my junior year of college; a good man. This was new to me, someone who was more than happy to cater to my needs and wants. Someone who was willing to support me in every aspect. Someone who defends me, no questions asked and it took some major getting used to but I would have never been able to experience such a gift if I had not decided to let my guards down and be receptive to this man. I am young but i do know if a man lacks the morals, virtues and values of God, then he will never be able to take responsibly and be the “Responsible Raymond” every real woman needs, leaving you stuck with “Pretty Ricky.”

  2. 12angrymen3
    June 21, 2011

    On Point

  3. Tori
    June 22, 2011

    This really hits home for me! I needed to read this at this juncture in my life. I’ve always respected and admired you as a woman and I value your perspective. From this point on I am going to make a conscious effort to give the nice guys a chance and shy away from the not so nice guys. Looking forward to reading your next blog! Thanks!

  4. Dee
    June 22, 2011

    WOW !!!! This was soooooo on point and sooooo true !!! Let me know that I am going in the right direction and glad that I chose the MR NICE GUY !!!!

  5. prophetshrek
    August 28, 2011

    Very well written, I enjoyed the transition after age 30 or so. Interestingly that is about the same age that the man should begin his shift from macho stuff to being sacrificial and responsible for his family. If we could only realize this at a young age and make the leap when we are supposed too.

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