The Problem With Superwoman
Ladies, do you sometimes feel like you have a “super suit” underneath your neatly pressed business suit or your pajamas? As a strong independent woman, I think we ALL do. We are “Super Women” by birth right, but it takes a lot to be a “SUPERWOMAN”. What’s the difference you ask? Women are born with super powers because our pelvis expands to birth children, we have telepathic hearing to know when somebody is talking about us or our kids are sneaking around when they are supposed to be napping and we have eyes in the back of our heads to keep up with EVERYTHING going on in a room behind us. All of these things make us SUPER as women but a SUPERWOMAN is somebody who runs around doing EVERYTHING for EVERYBODY on two hours of sleep, very independent and highly motivated to succeed in all that she does. There are 3 basic types of a SuperWoman: SuperMom, SuperIndependent and SuperWorker. Some women can be all three or a combination of the three.
A SuperMom is usually a mother who gets up with the kids early in the morning, takes them to school or daycare, then either goes to work if she has a full-time job or proceeds to cook and clean the house until she picks the kids up from school or daycare. After doing all of this, she may take the kids to dance, gymnastics, soccer, basketball or baseball practice, then takes the kids home to feed them the dinner that she home cooked. After dinner she usually gives them a bath, reads them a story and puts them to bed. Where is the dad in all of this you ask? He’s probably there watching tv, on the internet or even at work. He may help out on one or two of these tasks but more than likely SUPERMOM has a system and she wants to do it herself. Perhaps dad is not even involved and SuperMom is TRULY alone at home with the kids and HAS to perform all of these tasks herself.
What’s the problem with SuperMom? SuperMom will get burnt out but NEVER tell anyone or really ask for help. She believes that in order for things to get done, SHE MUST do them herself. She believes that the kids are used to HER system of doing things and if someone else steps in, it won’t be the same. She believes that she is the only nurturer and that dad will not be as effective. SuperMom has probably mentioned this to her husband/boyfriend that she needs a break and he pretended to understand but he really didn’t make a concerted effort to help her to relieve any of her stress because he SUBSCRIBED to her “SUPER” persona and felt that she could HANDLE it ALL ON HER OWN.
As a mother, you have to realize that you can’t do it all by yourself and that you really do need help and a break. Consider sharing some of the parental responsibilities and if your husband or boyfriend doesn’t step in automatically, IMPRESS upon him the importance of HIS role and responsibility and show him that YOUR CAREER, if you have one, is JUST as important as his and if you don’t, that your SANITY is just as important as his.
Destiny’s Child used to have a hit song called, “Independent Women” and here are some of the lyrics:
Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I’m feelin lonely
When it’s all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships
The shoes on my feet
I’ve bought it
The clothes I’m wearing
I’ve bought it
The rock I’m rockin’
I’ve bought it
‘Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you’re wearin’
I’ll buy it
The house I live in
I’ve bought it
The car I’m driving
I’ve bought it
I depend on me
This is the story of the SUPERINDEPENDENT! She’ll have a great job, her own place and a great life, so why do she need anything that a man has to offer? A man to her is just a compliment and not a necessity. When she is out at the club or a restaurant with her girlfriends socializing and a guy walks up to her and extends his hand to introduce himself and starts to converse about his job, car, etc., the first thing going through her mind is, “yeah, yeah yeah, who cares.” She is not impressed by anything that a guy has or has to offer because SHE HAS EVERYTHING. She won’t mind a few meals, drinks, laughs and GREAT SEX but she won’t really need him for much else. When he sends her flowers at work, she’ll act unimpressed because face it, SHE HATES FLOWERS. When he buys her expensive gifts for special occasions or just because, she isn’t really moved and either throws it in the junk jewelry drawer, tosses it to the side or cracks a half-smile to show how pleased she is. When her car breaks down or the sink in her house, she’ll call a professional or her DAD. She’d rather wait for a cab or drown in knee-deep water before calling a man who she is seeing because, what can HE really do?
What’s the problem with SuperIndependent? She is sort of self-absorbed and constantly alone. Most of these women are driving men away with their nasty attitude towards EVERYTHING that a man has to offer. They have never felt a deep connection with anyone or very few people because they are operating on the “I don’t need a man” premise. She is quick to dismiss a man when things aren’t going her way. Essentially, she is a spoiled brat! Her father probably spoiled her with everything that she wanted or she may have worked very hard to spoil herself as an adult.
No matter how much you have and can do for yourself, you are still going to NEED somebody for something and the main thing is INTIMACY! Remember, sex and intimacy are TWO VERY DIFFERENT things. Sex is surface, intimacy is a DEEP connection to one’s soul. If you carry this SUPER independent attitude into a serious relationship, it could backfire. Men want to KNOW that you need them from the start and that they are not just some “add-on” to YOUR lifestyle. You have to show your appreciation for what he can offer even if you aren’t that excited about it in the beginning because when you really need him, he will flake because he’ll feel like you won’t appreciate it anyway. If you are spending the night as his house and planning to go to work from there and realize that you’ve forgotten your debit card and he offers you a $20 bill to pay for lunch, ACCEPT IT and say thanks. DON’T say, “No thanks, I’ll just drive back across town and go home to get my debit card.” That will just make him think you are rejecting his help. If he buys you the SAME pair of Tiffany earrings that you already own, accept them and wear them occasionally when you are with him so he sees that you appreciate his gift (re-gift the other pair a friend or family member). If your car breaks down, call a professional and then call him for a ride and let HIM reject you because he’s busy, at least he’ll feel like you needed him.
SuperWorker is usually the hardest working person at the job or in an organization. She could be the boss, the owner or a very dependable employee. She is probably someone who people generally can’t stand because she tries to do everything. She has a hard time delegating and working in groups because she likes to be in charge of projects and doing things herself. Much like SuperMom, she feels that if she isn’t doing it herself, it’s not going to get done correctly. She will multi-task and take on several projects at once and often take work home because she is up against a deadline. People will constantly call on her for her perceived expertise and because is probably known as the person who can FIX just about anything.
What’s the problem with SuperWorker? She is secretly stressed out and burnt out. She probably works late a lot and when she gets home from work or meetings, she has no time for the family and no time for intimacy with her mate. Her mind is usually running a mile a minute about upcoming projects and deadlines that she can barely sleep. One of the biggest issues is that she doesn’t know how to turn this off with her mate when she comes home. She is essentially transferring her stress to her mate. She probably bosses him around, takes control over everything and treats him like an employee at her job. This is bad for relationships. She also probably doesn’t even realize that she doesn’t really have a life. She really doesn’t even have friends that aren’t connected to work or an organization that she belongs to because she has no time for friends.
SuperWorkers, you have to realize that life is too short to throw yourself into work all of the time. This will send you to early grave from stress and anxiety. You will also lose your family or your ability to start one. Your kids will need you, your mate will need you and if you are single, YOU’LL NEVER MEET ANYONE! You have to learn that it’s okay to SAY NO! It’s okay to scale back projects and delegate some things. Stop being the “on call” expert in everything at work and let people solve their own issues or just give them a little push and let them take it the rest of the way. By all means, if you are the bossy type at home, STOP IT! You will lose your man! Believe me, you’ll have a piece of mind, better relationships and more FREE TIME!
There is nothing wrong with being a SUPERWOMAN but you have to know when to PUT YOUR CAPE AWAY. A final note to SUPERWOMAN: As my best friend so eloquently put it: “If you ACT like you can do everything, then you’ll end up DOING everything! Rest your capes occasionally and let SOMEBODY ELSE do it for you!